Projecting Professional Body Language

How you walk, sit, and stand says a lot about your professionalism. Learn how your body language affects others and how to use it more effectively.

The Overeager Handshake

Sometimes people will shake hands by grasping the other person’s hand with the right hand and then cupping the other person’s hand with their left hand. For two very close friends, this method of greeting is acceptable. But in business, shaking hands this way is perceived as insincere and falsely ingratiating.

What Does Your Body Language Say?

If a picture is worth a thousand words, then body language in business transactions is worth at least a thousand dollars!

That may sound a little corny, but the bottom line is that people do business with people they like — and people with whom they are comfortable.

In business communications, over half (about 55 percent) of our total communicated message is sent through our body language. Twenty-two percent is the tone of voice we use, and only 7 percent is portrayed through the actual words we use.

Seven Seconds to a Positive Impression

Have you ever met someone and instantly said to yourself, “I don’t know why, but I really like that person,” or “There’s something about that guy that bugs me.”

You have just formed an impression of the other person. And most of our first impressions are subconscious — we don’t even know we are making them. We only know that we have an overall, general feeling about this person.

Eight Subconscious Impressions Are Made Within the First Seven Seconds of Meeting Someone New

Here are eight opinions people generally make of you within the first seven seconds of meeting you:

• How much money you make
• How much education you’ve had
• How much you can be trusted
• Your personality style and how agreeable you are
• How confident you are
• How intelligent you are
• What your work ethic is
• How dependable and accountable you are

Wait a minute! How can someone make all these decisions about me in the first seven seconds? Good question.

Let’s talk about some tips to make a good impression in the first seven seconds.

The Walk

The first thing people notice about you is your walk. If you keep three things in mind, you will be on your way to projecting a more professional image:

• Stand upright. Hold your head up. This shows how confident you are.
• Don’t hide your hands. Don’t put them in your pockets or hold them behind your back. Why? Because if your hands aren’t showing it sends a subliminal message that you can’t be trusted — that you have something to hide.
• Walk with a purpose and with enthusiasm. This shows your personality and confidence. No one likes to see someone trudging up to them, head down, eyes diverted.

The Tune-In Factor

People want to know that you’re interested in them. You can do that by:

• Maintaining eye contact for four seconds. If you don’t hold the eye contact, you appear to have “shifty eyes” and, therefore, you seem non-trustworthy.
• Smiling strategically. But don’t have a smile on your face as approach the person. As you start to shake the person’s hand, look into their face, and let a smile slowly creep across your face. If you walk up to someone overexcited, the other person may feel as if you want something. In fact, you very well may want something. But you’ll have a far better chance of getting it if you use the “slow creeping smile” technique. (Note: It’s a slow creeping smile; not a slow creepy smile)
• Showing enthusiasm while greeting people. We all like upbeat people. But there is a caveat here: you should appear enthusiastic — not overmedicated.
• Shaking hands with sincerity. A handshake is a gesture of welcome: the palms interlocking signify openness and the touching signifies oneness.

Some More Body Language Tips

Body language clues cannot be read singularly. Just as the written language is spoken in sentences, body language is “spoken” in its own “sentences.” You can’t take one gesture in isolation and make a judgment about the person. But looking at body language patterns throughout a verbal interaction reveals the overall body language message. Each gesture is like a word in a language. Therefore, when trying to read the other person’s body language, look at the whole body language sentence.

How to Fit the Situation and Communicate What You Want to Say

OK. So these are the basics of professional body language. But what about specific situations? What if you want to change your body language to convey more power in meetings? Or, what if you want to get someone to feel comfortable with you before you launch into your sales pitch — or ask the boss for a raise?

Body Power Plays

Think for a moment about the last time you were in a meeting with your boss or someone who was in a higher position of power than you. How were they sitting? Did they sit back from the table, or lean in toward the table? Did they sit with arms spread over two chairs, or hunched over slightly with the hands supporting the knees? Did they lean back in the chair, grasp their hands behind their head, and cross their legs in a “figure-four” position?

Chances are the person in power demonstrated one of the Body Power Plays. The Body Power Plays are broken into two categories: Confidence Positions and Power Positions.

The Confidence Positions

Taking Up More Room Than You Physically Need

Powerful people take up space. It’s that simple. The next time you’re in a meeting, try taking up a little more space than you normally do. How? Place your arm on the vacant seat next to you. Don’t slouch. If the chair next to you isn’t vacant, either cross your legs in a “figure four” shape or place your arms on both armrests. (Note: The figure-four posture doesn’t always work well for women.)

As a corporate consultant, I prepare administrative assistants and first-line managers for higher management positions. The first thing I do is sit in on a meeting that the managerial candidate will be attending. In almost every candidate, I notice the “I’m-just-a-worker-bee” posture. They sit almost motionless in their chairs, with little animation, little facial expression, and little indication that they are engaged in the meeting. They either cross their ankles or cross their arms and the image presented is one of indifference.

No Hand-To-Face Gesturing

A confident person is likely to talk without hand-to-face gestures like covering the mouth and nose. Head-scratching also portrays a lack of confidence or confusion. (Think of Columbo.) A proud erect stance is a sign of someone who knows where he or she is going, is proud of his or her accomplishments, and has a healthy, self-assured attitude.

Eye Contact

You’ve probably already heard this before, but it bears repeating: self-confident people have more frequent eye contact than those who are unsure or trying to conceal something. Also, confident people hold the eye contact longer than their less-sure counterparts.

Leaning In

Our research shows that people who lean in toward the other attendees get more respect and are perceived to be more “in command” during meetings. If you want to be perceived as a professional with worthwhile ideas, you have to project an image and an aura of a confident professional who is worthy of being heard. Respect must be earned. One of the best ways to earn it is through your posture and posturing in professional settings.

The Power Positions

Leaning Back and Clasping Hands Behind the Head

Successful negotiators know this tactic and use it well. Be careful with this posture, however; in many cases you can come off as arrogant. If your intent is to subliminally intimidate the other party, this posture works well.

Sitting Directly Across From Everyone Else, or Sitting at the Head of the Table

Just as the head of the household usually sits at the head of the table, the head of the corporation usually sits at the head of the table. Sitting directly across from people you are dialoguing with — rather than to the side — presents a dominant posture.

The Confidence Positions are generally used to command respect; the Power Positions are generally reserved for debating, negotiation, or power tactics.

The Rapport-Building Body Positions

People who are in a position of power may be intimidating to others. If you are already in a position of power and want to ease those feelings of intimidation that the other party may feel, here are a few quick tips:

• Sit diagonally across from the other person
• Maintain an open body posture (no crossed arms or crossed legs)
• Sit up straight to show interest, but do not lean in
• Avoid all “power positions” as related to body language

Other Clues

Repeatedly clearing throat? Usually indicates they need more time to think about it. Speedy Response? If you ask someone a question and their response is very quick, with little or no pause, chances are they are not telling the whole truth and just pacifying you. This applies to both business and personal conversations.

Reading Other People’s Body Language

We all know how important it is to be a good listener. (For tips on being a good listener in business, please read page 286 in The Etiquette Advantage in Business.) But part of good listening also involves good observation. Pay attention to the other person’s body language clues and you’ll get a clearer sense of what they mean and how they feel.

How To Tell If Your Audience Is Comfortable With You

When talking to someone, pay attention to their body language; it is the best indicator to how they feel about you. Some of these are:

• Coat unbuttoned. When your coworker, boss, or business associate unbuttons their coat, it’s a sign they’re becoming more comfortable with you and are more open to what you have to say.
• Scratches top of head or leans back and puts their hands on top of their head, usually means they are not comfortable with what you are saying.
• Mirrors your body language means they are comfortable with you. (For example, if you lean back or shift your weight from one leg to the other and your conversation partner mimics this action, then this means they are comfortable with you.)
• Increased eye contact. The more the person looks at you, the more comfortable they are with you.

How to Tell If Your Audience Is Interested in What You Are Saying

Does this sound familiar? You’re in your boss’s office and you’ve been talking for about three minutes. Suddenly you get the feeling you’ve been talking to yourself. Here are some tips to find out if the other person is really listening to you, or if they are distracted by something else.

• Increased eye blink indicates interest.
• Head tilted to either side shows the other person is not only listening to what you’re saying, but is actually processing the information. (If the person’s head is straight, they aren’t interested.)
• Hand to chin indicates the other person is forming opinions about what you’re saying and, therefore, is interested.
• Chin resting on knuckles shows that the other person is not opposed to what you’re saying, and is interested.
• Touching bridge of nose. Many times this indicates that the person you’re talking to wants more information.
• Takes glasses off and slowly places them on the table means they are no longer interested.
• Chin in palm of hand shows your audience is no longer interested.

How to Tell If Your Audience Is Annoyed with You

Any of the following can indicate that your conversation partner is less-than-pleased with you. Stay on the lookout for these clues:

• Looks over top of glasses. (Disapproves of you; doesn’t believe what you’re saying.)
• Steepling of hands indicates they feel superior to you, and don’t think you are as intelligent as they are. (Steepling is placing your hands in front of you in a triangular form, with the tips of your fingers touching each other at the top.)
• Hand to the back of the neck shows, literally, that the other person thinks you’re a pain in the neck!

In my seminars, I always get the objection, “Hey, I sit and stand like that and it doesn’t mean I’m not comfortable or not interested, it just means that that particular position is the most comfortable for me.”

Ah, yes. But why is that position the most comfortable for you at that given moment? Subconsciously there’s something bugging you.

Recently, I was conducting a presentation skills program for top-level executives. One gentleman in the group challenged me on the “hands-behind-the-neck-while-leaning-back-in-the-chair” position. He insisted he did that all the time — especially when he felt comfortable, not uncomfortable.

Throughout the day, each executive gave a presentation, followed by a critique. Whenever this guy got critiqued with constructive criticism, he would lean back in his chair, put his hands behind his neck. Whenever we would compliment him, he would immediately remove his hands from behind his neck and lean in — with arms resting comfortably on the table.

So, if you find yourself comfortable in one of the positions described, ask yourself “why am I more comfortable in that position?” and try to be aware of your positions in times of uncomfortableness. You may discover otherwise.

How to Tell If Your Audience Is Being Less Than Truthful

Somebody may be saying all the right things, but there is often an involuntary body reflex of some sort that gives them away. Some of the most common signs that someone is lying to you include:

• Touches the side of their nose with their finger. For those of you who remember Johnny Carson, you’ll know that he was one of the great late night comedians. You may also remember after his monologue he would say, “We’ve got a great show for you this evening.” Some nights he meant it, some nights he didn’t. Whenever he felt his show wasn’t going to be quite up to par — while he said, “We’ve got a great show for you tonight, folks,” he would touch the side of his nose. On nights when he truly believed he had a bang-up show, he wouldn’t touch his nose. Watch today’s late night comedians. See if you can pick out their body language clues that give them away. (Hint: David Letterman is one of the easier ones.)
• Hands-to-the-face movement. This is a gesture lawyers watch in trial witnesses to detect inconsistencies in their stories. Many lawyers coach their defendants to make sure their facial expressions are consistent with their words. They also coach their clients to not touch their face or rub their chin when asked a tough question. Candidates interviewing for jobs often make the same mistake. As s corporate consultant, I would videotape a mock job interview with potential executives. When the interview was finished, I’d turn to the person and say, “OK. You lied to me about why you left your previous job, you lied to me about your salary, you weren’t completely truthful with me about your skills.” Thud! — That was the sound of their jaw hitting the floor. They would always ask in amazement, “But how did you know? Did you do a background check on me first or something?” No, I relied solely on watching for inconsistencies between words, tone, and body language.
• Uses qualifiers such as “Honestly,” “To tell you the truth,” etc. When you use these phrases, the impression you send is that you haven’t been telling the truth up to this point.

Mirror, Mirror

To establish rapport quickly, try mirroring (not mimicking) the other person’s body language for the first few minutes. Then, make a change in your body posture and see if they follow suit. If they do, you have sufficiently established enough rapport to move into your presentation. If they don’t, you’ll need to spend a few more minutes building rapport.

Using Body Language to Get People to Respond to You More Positively in Meetings

Here’s a review of some body language tips to implement in your business meetings to get people to respond more positively to you:

• Lean forward
• Maintain eye contact
• Take up space
• Maintain an open body posture. (Avoid crossing your legs or arms.)
• Sit up straight
• Use facial expressions that indicate you are interested
• Arrive on time to the meeting! In business it is never fashionable to be late!

Congratulations on completing Lesson1!

Assignment: Projecting Professional Body Language

• Read pages 285-287, “About Body Language,” in The Etiquette Advantage in Business.
• List the top three body language blunders you’ve been making in your business interactions:
• Now, list how you will overcome those body language blunders in your next meeting: