Verbal Communication and Word Choice

How to handle office small talk, office politics, and using the right words for the right occasion.

Why Do We Need Business Small Talk?

If we jumped into deep business conversations in the first few minutes of meeting someone, it would be too jarring and too abrupt. People need time to warm up. Don’t jump into ‘Big Talk’ too soon. It’ll be a big mistake.

Office Small Talk: Taboo Topics and Topics That Build Rapport

Did you know that 80 percent of your salary is based on your communication skills? That’s regardless of the industry you work in or your job title. Let’s face it, you can be the best software developer on the planet, but if you can’t communicate effectively with other people you will always stay at a certain level.

Communication Skills in Action

If you’re having trouble swallowing this, think for a moment about someone you work with (or have worked with in the past) who seems like an idiot when it comes to technical knowledge of the industry, but yet is in a very high position, say CEO. Now think about that person’s personality. Chances are, they are a pretty charismatic person. That’s called people skills. And that’s what people skills can do for any professional — get you noticed in a positive way and get you moving up that corporate ladder.

If you’re not into moving up the corporate ladder, people skills will simply help you sell your ideas. People skills can help you get that raise, sell that product to that difficult customer, or simply help you get support from your coworkers when you need it.

Office Small Talk

First, let me say there is no such thing as office small talk. Anything you say in the office makes a statement about you, your professionalism, or your personality. Office gossip falls into this category of office small talk.

I could produce a lengthy laundry list of taboo topics for office small talk. But there would always be the chance that I would forget a topic or two. So, in lieu of the laundry list, here’s a checklist you can use before you enter into or start any conversation topic in the office.

The Four Point Checklist for Your Small Talk Topics

Neutral and Non-Combative

Whatever you decide to talk about, make certain it won’t offend anyone. You may want to avoid topics pertaining to religion, politics, race, sex, office gossip, and vulgar jokes.

Relevant and Appropriate

Always make the first words you say relevant to the current situation or event. Small talk faux pas usually occurs while people are waiting for a meeting to start. If you’re at a status update meeting on a major project, it’s not the time to talk about your children or your hot date last night. While you don’t have to talk about big business, try to keep the topic of conversation general so that others may participate.

It’s Not All About You

Avoid talking too much about yourself. If you do, you run the risk of becoming known as self-absorbed. Keep most of your comments and conversations focused on the other person.

Make Introductions Matter

When making introductions always present the ‘less important’ person to the ‘more important’ person. As an example: ‘Dr. Ben Bailey, this is Joe Johnson, our draftsperson.’ It’s also standard protocol to mention the ‘more important’ person’s name first.

Please don’t misunderstand the use of ‘more important’ in this lesson when referring to people. The definition of more or less important is simply a matter of title, position, or accomplishment. When introducing people of equal status, either can be presented first.

Here are a few quick tips when you have to introduce someone else:

• Introduce a younger person to an older person
• Introduce a coworker to a client or a worker from another company
• Introduce a layperson to an official
• Introduce anyone at a company event to the guest of honor

Tone Is Everything!

Remember that when talking about topics you know little about, your tone conveys more than your words. If your body language and tone are confident, the other person will feel 93 percent sure that you are knowledgeable on the subject. (Remember from our previous lesson that body language is 55 percent of the total communicated message and tone is 38 percent. The actual words you say only account for 7 percent of your total message.)

How to Talk Intelligently on a Business Topic — Even If You Know Little or Nothing About It

Let’s say it’s 8 a.m. and you’ve just settled at your desk. You’re about to get the agenda ready for you boss’s upcoming meeting, when your boss passes by your desk and asks, ‘Did you take a bath in mutual funds? Man, the markets really crashed yesterday.’ If you don’t play the market, have no idea what a mutual fund is, and don’t follow the financial news channels, you may find yourself nervously shuffling your feet, looking down and muttering, ‘Ah, well, er, no.’

That’s a tough spot to be in, but there is a way out. Actually, there are several techniques you could use.

Immediately Try to Shift Back to a YOU Focus

When someone asks a question about a topic that you know little or nothing about, one successful strategy is to immediately shift the focus back to the other person by appealing to one of three things:

The Other Person’s Current Situation As It Relates to the Topic

In the example above about the mutual funds, you could respond with an empathetic, ‘Oh, sounds as if you did. Did you have a lot invested?’

The Other Person’s Opinion About the Topic

Again, from our mutual fund example you could say with a very interested tone, ‘It’s interesting you should bring that up. I’d like your take on the stability of the overall market. Where do you think it’s going?’

True, in this example you’re dodging the question, and they may call you on it. Or, they may assume you took a bath and don’t want to talk about it. Either way, you’re keeping the conversation going.

The Other Person’s Experience or Expertise

You may prefer the more direct approach such as, ‘I didn’t invest in mutual funds, but I’d like to know more about them. What can you tell me about them?’

When you shift back to a YOU focus — and especially when you appeal to someone’s expertise (whether they have real expertise or they just think they do), you’ll get them going into a commentary about their experiences, their opinions, or their involvement.

Question

As you’ve probably already assumed, this goes hand-in-hand with shifting the focus back to the other person. The easiest way to shift that focus back is to ask a question about their situation, their opinion, or their advice.

Reflect

After you have redirected back to a YOU focus, listen very closely to the terminology used and what is said. In nearly any comment you can pick out a piece of information to ask another question about. Eventually, after you ask two or three questions, you’ll gain enough understanding on the topic to make an intelligent comment. That way, your conversation partner will perceive you as knowledgeable about the topic.

Fail-Safe Phrases to Win Trust and Goodwill in the Office

Strangers, acquaintances, friends, and trusted colleagues all use different language. Unfortunately, many people in the office use ’stranger’ language when talking with bosses and supervisors. Your goal is to talk to everyone in your office — whether peers or bosses — as if they are trusted colleagues.

But how do you do that? Follow the tips below:

Use the Phrases and Words That Trusted Colleagues Use

Most people in offices use language that sends a message of distance. In other words, they use words and phrases that highlight the differences between the two people. Some examples are:

Clichés

Strangers generally use clichés. Clichés are safe, non-threatening, and are usually meant as a ‘filler.’

For instance, if you were talking about the new Internet economy, a cliché would be ‘The Internet is the place to be today, isn’t it?’

Facts

Acquaintances usually speak in ‘fact-ease.’ Facts reinforce your mutual understanding of your topic, industry, or company.

Continuing with our Internet economy example, a fact statement between acquaintances would be, ‘There are 1,543,333 active Web sites today,’ or ‘40 percent of holiday gift purchases were made over the Web last year.’

Emotional Statements

Emotional statements are used between friends. They indicate a deeper bond than either strangers or acquaintances have. Friends feel safe making emotional statements to each other.

Once again with our Internet example, a comment from a friend may be, ‘I love the Internet economy!’

WE Talk

WE talk tells of anticipated future or past events shared between two business colleagues.

With the Internet example, a WE talk statement could be, ‘We’ll have so much fun starting this new Internet partnership, won’t we?’ or ‘Our company will really grow fast if we are able to get our online retail outlet going.’

Fast Forwarding Rapport to Get the Other Person to Think of You as a Colleague

It’s simple to do! Just use WE talk. When you’re in a conversation with a person you’re meeting for the first time, look for opportunities to insert the word ‘we’ or ‘us’ into your conversation. It will scramble the signal, and get the other person thinking you are closer than you really are. This works especially well if you are talking to a boss, the company CEO, or someone in a higher position within the company.

Some examples:

• ‘We sure are in an exciting industry!’
• ‘That new anti-trust law sure caught us by surprise, didn’t it?’
• ‘We’re in for an exciting ride if the industry trends continue the way they are.’
• ‘Our greatest opportunities will come from support from the City Council.’
• ‘The new Better Internet Bureau certifications will help us establish credibility for our online operations.’

Don’t Forget to Maintain Your Non-Verbal Image

Just as you can fast-forward rapport through your words, you can also fast forward rapport with your body language. The acronym PALS NOW will help you remember the body language tips that fast-forward rapport.

• P = Proxemics. Stand about an arm’s length from the person with whom you’re speaking. Research has shown this to be the most comfortable personal space area.
• A = Animated. Does your body posture show animation and enthusiasm? Or, are you hunched over and slouching?
• L = Lean in. If you lean in toward the person who is speaking to you, they will think you are hanging on their every word, and they will like you more quickly.
• S = Smile. Remember to smile as appropriate while the other person is talking.
• N = Nod. Nodding while the other person is speaking sends a visual cue that you are listening to and comprehending what they are saying.
• O = Open body posture. Are your arms folded? Do you have your hands in your pocket? If you are seated, are your legs crossed away from the other person? Keep an open and welcoming body posture throughout the conversation.
• W = Watchful eyes. Maintain eye contact throughout the conversation

Being Heard

Studies show that raising your voice in confrontational situations causes people to ‘hear’ you less. On the flip side, lowering your voice in these circumstances causes people to focus on what you’re saying.

Tone and Tempo: Knowing When to Slow It Down and When to Speed It Up

The sound of your voice may be less than music to the ear, and people have a tendency to assign a personality type to you based on the sound of your voice. Have you ever ‘met’ someone for the first time via telephone? Did you form a mental picture of what the person looked like? Sure! We all have. It’s natural to do so.

Your voice may sound fine to you, but not to others. Tape-record yourself — preferably during a conversation — to find out how you sound. You may be surprised.

Adjusting Your Tone to Fit the Person

While I’m not asking you to abandon your personality or your vocal fingerprint, it is important to adjust your tone, speed, pitch, and volume based on your listener.

In general, people like other people who are like themselves.

A subliminal way to show the other person that you’re ‘like them’ is to mirror (not mimic) their vocal patterns. For example, if the other person is speaking more slowly, with a lower voice, and you are typically a high-energy, fast-paced talker, you may want to bring your rate of speech and pitch down a few notches. Conversely, if the other person is talking quickly and you’re more of a slow talker, you may want to crank it up a notch.

Sincerity Counts

The most important thing to remember when mirroring someone else’s tone is to be sincere. People can pick up on insincerity. The main point of this section is to bring to your attention the importance of focusing on the speech patterns of the other person. Too often we’re so ‘me-focused’ in conversations that we completely overlook the other person.

Playing Phone Tag

The best way to avoid phone tag is to leave specific messages. Leave a message asking for the specific information you need, and ask the person to leave the information on your voice mail if you aren’t in when they call back.

Another way to avoid phone tag is to say, ‘I’ll be at this number until 3 p.m. After that, you can reach me at 555-9876.’

Voice Mail

It’s annoying. It’s often rude. But it’s here to stay.

I’m talking about voice mail. It’s become a necessary business tool. And there is a way to make it less annoying and less rude.

Your Outgoing Message

This is the first thing the rest of the world hears when they call your extension. Your answering machine message should be brief and provide some choices — the fewer the better. After you’ve identified yourself, offer some choices:

• To leave a message
• To call another extension
• To hold for a receptionist

Some other tips for your outgoing message:

• If you’re going out of town for a convention and are expecting an extremely important call from a client, put the contact information on the voice mail. Add the hotel number and fax number where you can be reached, if appropriate. If you’re carrying a laptop, let the callers know you can be reached via e-mail.
• Set the time expectation for when you will be able to return calls.

Recording Your Message

1. Adjust the ringer so that the machine or voice mail will pick up on the fourth ring, which seems to have become the unofficial standard in most places.
2. Write out what you want your message to say and practice it once or twice.
3. Give your department name, your name (first and last), and when you will return the calls. It’s also a good idea to give the caller some options.
4. Unless you’re in the entertainment field, stay away from sound effects, gimmicks, and jokes.

Leaving a Message

If you are the caller:

1. Be prepared to speak promptly, whether a person or a machine answers the call.
2. Once you hear the beep, leave a message — even if you’ve dialed the wrong number. You don’t have to identify yourself, just, ‘My apologies. I dialed the wrong number.’
3. Give your full name and affiliation and your telephone number up front. Also give your name (spelling) and phone number at the end of the message. That way, the recipient doesn’t have to replay the message to get your number.
4. When leaving your number, write the number as you are saying it. This will avoid the incredibly annoying situation of listening to a voice mail message where the caller says their number so quickly that it is unintelligible.
5. Briefly state why you are calling. This is especially important if the call concerns a time-sensitive matter.
6. Say when and where you can be reached.
   
7. Just hang up. You don’t need to say goodbye to a person you haven’t spoken with. Don’t say you are sorry you missed the person or that it’s the second time you’ve called.
8. Don’t leave multiple messages. It’s annoying when you leave a message at 10 a.m. and call back with the same message at noon.
9. Finally, don’t use voice mail as a way of avoiding speaking with someone. If you leave a message during the lunch hour or before or after working hours, the other person would have to be dense not to figure out what you’re doing. If you must call after hours, say, ‘I know you’re not in the office right now, but I’m just heading out and knew you would want this information as soon as you returned.’

Congratulations on completing Lesson3!

Assignment: Verbal Communication and Word Choice

• Read pages 51-73 “You and Your Co-Workers”, pages 275-285 “The Smart Conversationalist”, and pages 300-302 “Voice Mails” in The Etiquette Advantage in Business.
• Write a new outgoing voice mail message to reflect the tips in this lesson and in The Etiquette Advantage in Business.