Meeting etiquette

Make the meetings you attend work for you.

Meeting Faux Pas in the Japanese Culture

Showing a serious lack of courtesy or insufficient respect to the ranking senior executive is insulting. This is especially serious when done by someone considerably junior to the executive in terms of age or status. It is also poor manners to ask for sugar or milk for your green tea or to begin sipping before being invited to do so.

Ugh, Meetings

Mention an upcoming meeting to employees and you’d think you asked them to clean the office toilets.

• “Aw, another waste of time.”
• “Great. Another interruption. Now I’ll have to stay late for sure.”
• “They never say anything worthwhile.”
• “I’ll just take my work with me into the meeting.”
• “Meetings are like soap operas; you can miss six months of them and still get the idea of what’s going on.”
• “Time to listen to the boss drone on again.”

These are just a sampling of some of the comments I have heard from employees when they’ve been asked to attend a meeting.

How We Spend Our Time in Meetings

According to a network MCI Conferencing White Paper (1998), most professionals who meet on a regular basis admit to

• Daydreaming (91%)
• Missing meetings (96%)
• Missing parts of meetings (95%)
• Bringing other work to meetings (73%)
• Dozing during meetings (39%)

Meetings DO Matter!

Meetings are a place not only to get information, but also where people make judgments about each other. Meetings are your stage to present yourself in a positive light. Don’t miss out on that opportunity. It could make or break your career!

Meeting Behavior Basics

In order to really shine in business meetings, there are some behavior basics for meetings that will serve you well.

Making Your Entrance

• Enter decisively
• Don’t stand in the doorway
• While standing, shake hands, and call people by their first names
• Introduce yourself to those you don’t know
• If you are seated and introduced to someone new, stand up, smile, and shake hands

Where to Sit

• Avoid sitting at either end of the table.
• Don’t sit next to the chairperson or senior officer. That chair may be reserved for his or her aide or secretary.
• If you’re not familiar with the seating arrangements, ask if it’s OK to sit anywhere.

What NOT to Do

• Don’t fiddle — leave paperclips unbent and don’t bounce them.
• Don’t doodle on a notepad. (People will start trying to see what you’re doing. And this draws attention to the fact that you’re not paying attention.)
• Don’t chew gum or pop mints or candy into your mouth.
• PLEASE don’t chew ice cubes!!!
• Don’t ask for coffee or other refreshments unless they are being offered.
• If food and drinks are offered, clear your plate as soon as possible.
• Avoid letting your mind wander, no matter how boring the meeting may seem.

Pay Attention to Your Body Language

• Sit straight, both feet on the floor
• Even though you’re sitting straight, appear relaxed, and attentive
• If you do cross your legs, cross them at the ankles
• Don’t cross your arms in front of you; it communicates resistance — or even hostility
• For men — keep your jacket and tie on unless otherwise specified

Speak Up!

There is nothing more aggravating in a meeting that not being able to hear the person who is speaking. Speaking too softly conveys that you believe what you’re saying really has no merit. If you don’t think it’s important, why should the rest of the group?

Some other tips for speaking at meetings:

• Don’t stand up, unless people routinely stand while speaking at such meetings or unless you’re asked to stand up.
• Take a second to frame your thoughts. You don’t have to start blurting out something the second you’re called upon to speak.
• BLT — Put the bottom line on top. Say the most important thing first.
• Be brief.
• Don’t ramble.
• Don’t repeat yourself.
• Use positive language.
• Never begin with an apology, e.g., “This might not work, but. . . .”
• Avoid confrontational language such as, “That idea won’t work,” or “That’s completely irrelevant to the issue.”
• Use “we.” Whenever referring to your department, company, team, or a project group, always use the pronoun “we.” If things are going well, it shows you’re a real team player by sharing the glory. If things are going poorly, it takes the focus off of you and spreads the responsibility around.
• Whatever you say, say it with authority. Use a confident tone.

The Cost of Unproductive Meetings

According to a network MCI Conferencing White Paper (1998), most professionals attend a total of 61.8 meetings per month. Research from Nelson and Economy (Better Business Meetings, 1995) indicates that over 50 percent of this meeting time is wasted. Assuming each of these meetings is one hour long, professionals lose 31 hours per month in unproductive meetings, or approximately four work days.

Meeting Image

Invest in a high-quality pen. People do notice. It’s good for your image because people tend to attach importance to symbols. Plus, it will be fun to use!

A Royal Affair

The custom of giving the honored guest or the top aide the chair to the right of the boss began when kings always had the most trusted ally at their right. This meant that no enemy could control the king’s sword hand. Because the sword was customarily carried on the right side, the same strategy was used while walking and on horseback. This is how the term “right-hand-man” came into play.

Basic Rules and Etiquette for Business Meetings

These so-called “rules” are basic. But someone ignores them at nearly every meeting. So here’s a quick review of meeting basics:

• Be ready. Prepare ahead of time. Arrive with all the materials you think you may need: a report, pen, paper, notebook, or laptop computer.
• Keep the materials you need handy so people won’t have to wait while you fish around for things.
• Always put your briefcase or purse on the floor next to you. NEVER put these on the conference table.
• Show up on time or a little early.
• If you do have to be late, let the meeting organizer know ahead of time so a seat can be reserved for you in an area that won’t cause too much disturbance when you do arrive.
• If you are late, apologize and give a reason. If you don’t give a good reason, you’ll generate resentment from the people who did arrive on time. Plus, if you fail to give a good reason, you’re basically saying the meeting isn’t important enough for you to show up on time.
• Decide ahead of time what you have to say about the issue at hand and prepare your remarks. Practice mentally a few times before you arrive at the meeting.
• Get a copy of Roberts Rules of Order and become familiar with it. You can find this at http://www.bn.com or any library. Only the most formal meetings abide by these rules, but you may someday find yourself in such a meeting.

Faux Pas in Muslim Countries

Do not use your left hand to receive of offer anything; the left hand is considered unsanitary. When seated in a chair, keep both feet planted on the ground; showing the soles of your feet is considered offensive. Never touch someone’s head; it is regarded as sacred. Refrain from giving gifts of pictures of animals or people; Islam disapproves of realistic images of living creatures.

Handling Conflict and Objections During a Meeting

Whether it’s resistance to your proposal or a heckler in the back of the room, conflict will inevitably arise if you attend enough meetings.

Some Common Meeting Robbers and How to Handle Each Type

Side Talkers

These are the people who just can’t seem to stop having side conversations with the other people at the table. To handle a side-talker:

• Complete your thought, look at the person, and pause until they stop talking.

Ramblers

Good grief! We’ve all been in meetings where the speaker just can’t seem to get to the point. To move them along:

• Acknowledge the question, then use a CLOSED-ENDED (can only be answered with a yes or no) question to refocus the participant to the topic at hand.EXAMPLE: “I liked your question about how this new marketing plan will impact the workload of the telesales center. Are you concerned about increased call volume or the added paperwork that the center will have to process with the anticipated increase in orders?”

Hecklers

Simply put, these are the rude people at the meeting. There’s no other way to say it. You have several choices when managing a heckler:

• Ignore them
• Redirect them by asking a question appropriate to the topic
• Defer the problem to the group (”What does everyone else think about this?”)
• Invite the person to a hallway discussion

Challengers

There’s one in every crowd. You know who they are. They’re usually sitting in the back of the room, arms folded, hanging on your every word. Then, when the moment is right, they fire their verbal salvos at you. They’ll raise their hand, and in their most authoritative voice say something like, “Isn’t it true that . . . “

Challengers could have several purposes: (1) to reduce your credibility or (2) to increase their prestige in the eyes of the group. Either way, a challenger usually has a pretty fragile ego, so handle with care.

One option to handle a challenger is to say one of the following:

• “Help me understand what you mean, or where, specifically, you think this program will fail.”
• “That’s certainly one option. It’s not the one we’re recommending now, and I would be interested in hearing the benefits to your option. Could you write that up for me and put it on my desk? Then, I’ll put that on the agenda for the next meeting.”

Non-Participants

These are the worst types. They sit there and say nothing. You don’t know if they’re on your side, if they think everything you’re saying is bogus, or if they’re just sleep-deprived.

To get a non-participant to participate:

• Ask them a question to get them involved.

Nearly Half of the Work Week in Meetings!

A recent poll from GM Consultants (1993) surveying people in supervisory positions found that 30 percent spent an estimated 16 hours a week in meetings. Here are some results:

Percentage of Respondents Who Say They Always:

• Allow all attendees to participate — 88%
• Define a meeting’s purposes — 66%
• Address each item on the agenda — 62%
• Assign follow-up action — 59%
• Record discussion — 47%
• Invite only essential personnel — 46%
• Write an agenda, with time frames –36%
• Specify questions for each issue — 12%

Note: 71 percent of respondents were working in companies with annual sales of less than $10 million.

Now that you’ve learned a little about how to handle yourself in a meeting conducted by someone else, it’s time to look at how to manage your own meeting.

Assignment: Meeting Etiquette

Please read Chapter 29 (”When You Attend,” pages 380-38 in The Etiquette Advantage in Business.